please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
