Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
