Define "chronic" masturbator.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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