If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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