this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
