Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
