we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
