When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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