Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
and she was petting her beer can
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
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