we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
