Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
