I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
