I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
