Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Randomize
