I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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