just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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