is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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