So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
