All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
He shit in the fireplace
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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