Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
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