also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
