your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Randomize
