i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
