I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
