and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
