dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
