I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
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