i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Randomize
