Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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