Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
You may now shotgun with the bride
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
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