I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
