Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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