hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
my shit smells like andre
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
