spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
