I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
