I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
