i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
