I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
