I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
