so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
