I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
