when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
