Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
She bit a glass in half.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
