Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
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