He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
