I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
