He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
