i just wanna soil my oats bro
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
