i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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