so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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