it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
