How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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