Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I forget how to act sober
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